 As I'm sure you've all heard by now, at this dark hour (and yes, it is sadly true), Hitchens Watch has been diagnosed with a likely terminal condition, and we will probably not survive it. It is very grim. Our overall 5 year survival rate is less than 5 percent.
We've appreciated though all your prayers and the beautiful flowers many of you have sent. And we shall continue to accept your kind words friends and your generous pecuniary donations while we are still alive and kicking. Bless you Comrades, and may Christ guide all your paths.
P.S. And in other less important news, some bloke named Chris Hitchens is sick or something.
Now I do love how every religious vulture in the planet's entire atmosphere is swooping in to peck at The Hitch and encircle him, with their beaks dripping over a potential feast. Could there be a deathbed conversion? Maybe he'll end up being an Oscar Wilde, or a Malcolm Muggeridge? Let's have a "debate" about it. Blah, blah, blah.
You know, I rather doubt it. And Hitchens is not dead yet. No, not quite yet.
He has stolen much from the purse of the proletariat over the years and so his riches and his bourgeois medicine may very well make him an elite Five Percenter. Please, since when has the Old Man not been an Elite, of course? The Top 5% cut he has to make you say? Hell, 1% would be enough for an arrogant, entitled aristocrat like His Hitchness.
And yes, while Hitchens was quite right to blurb what seems like a sensible book by Barbara Ehrenreich exposing the cottage industry that has grown up around "positive thinking" and other New Age tripe in medicine, there is no doubt a psychological component to health amenable to our free will that can play a significant role in recovery from life-threatening ailments. There's a reason why Stephen Hawking has one of the worst cases ever known of ALS yet has still lasted longer than anyone else in recorded history with that disease.
But since all the Christianists are swooping in to prey on our poor Hitch in his vulnerable state, we have been advised by our psychiatrists that we must undergo a course of offering some unsolicited therapy for the Hitch too. This advice seems persuasive to me.
It's not too late for our patient to sell-out those he sold-out to. How can a serial betrayer like our lad resist a double sell-out like that, doublecrossing them too? We pray that maybe his fight against cancer, whether he beats it or not, will finally force him to reconsider his decision to be remembered by posterity, if at all, as mainly a vulgar apologist for George Bush and crazed, failed wars in the Middle East.
We will be praying for him. |
