On the pretext of writing a book review, Hitch has used his perch at The Atlanticthis month to talk about Barack Obama, who will doubtless be pleased to learn that he has a charm that goes beyond the superficial and that he also has certain feline qualities. In short, Christopher wants to bring back the "cat" — although not as a new toy for the amusement of the boys in black against the boys in orange across the length and breadth of America's very own Gulag Archipelago, nor in the shape of the bog-standard four-legged moggie or even the celebrated Maine coon. No, this jive-assed honky is out hustling for a revival of that old mammalian stand in for a male human being that used to often be found in the company of adjectives like cool, hep, crazy, smart, fat and scaredy. From what little I hear of recent US street or movie conversation, the most popular synonyms these days are "mother-somethingorother-er" and "sonofa-whatsit," but I gotta admit to being so absolutely way uncool that you could boil a kettle on me.
Exploited perhaps to greatest effect by James Baldwin, the word I have in mind is cat. Some of you will be old enough to remember it in real time, before the lugubrious and nerve-racking days when people never knew from one moment to the next what expression would put them in the wrong: the days of Negro and colored and black and African American and people of color. After all of this strenuous and heated and boring discourse, does not the very mien of our new president suggest something lithe and laid-back, agile but rested, cool but not too cool? A “cat” also, in jazz vernacular, can be a white person, just as Obama, in some non–Plessy v. Ferguson ways, can be. I think it might be rather nice to have a feline for president, even if only after enduring so many dogs. (Think, for one thing, of the kitten-like grace of those daughters.) The metaphor also puts us in mind of a useful cliché, which is that cats have nine lives—and an ability to land noiselessly and painlessly on their feet.
On top of that, cats can also lick their own genitals, catch mice, and pop into and out of bags with more finesse than Olga Korbut in her prime. And when they're in heat, they jump around like they're standing on a hot tin roof. No, Hitch, this just will not do! Inviting us to look at Barak Obama as any kind of animal, no matter how furry, can only be interpreted as a sign of disrespect for the dude. And while stereotypes can be very useful, I think it's a bit too early yet to be shoe-horning the President-Elect into an image that's one part Louis Farrakhan, two parts Sammy Davis Junior and three parts Jerry Lewis. As for the kitten-like grace of "those" daughters, here's hoping most earnestly that Hitch isn't about to go the way of Garry Glitter. One doesn't like even to think such thoughts, but it's the times we live in. A parish priest can't even pat a choirboy on the head anymore.
Vernacular alternatives for "man" (as in the male of the human species) abound in English as in just about every major language. While the Mango Mango tribe of the upper Amazon may be able to get by with referring to their fellow Mango Mangos as plain "mango", the British are spoilt for choice with "fellow", "chap," "geezer," "bloke," "john," charlie," and even, in and around Mayfair and South Kensington, "gentleman." And for the most part, such words are neutral with respect to the speaker's opinion of their subject and merely reflect the ambience they choose to infuse into their own personality. The denizens of God's Country (the land of Oz) are also fond of "bloke" although they are even more fond of unflatteringly descriptive terms includng "bastard," "bludger," "galah," or "stickybeak" whenever they can get away with them. What Aussie jackaroo in his right mind would talk about two English men when he has "two pommie shitheads" at his disposal?
The Americans — at least the "square" Americans — are the poor cousins in this respect, preferring "guy" as a more casual form of "man" on most occasions, although in some strata of society the "mother" and "son" idioms mentioned above may be used either neutrally or with genuine affection. Like the equally jazzy, "dude", "cat" is, as Hitch implies, rather out of vogue these days, but it is still going strong in the music world, and can often be heard on the lips of the upstanding members of the jazz and blues and rock communities. However, like its fellow synonyms, "cat" doesn't attempt to describe a man; it merely identifies one while marking out the speaker as a certain kind of guy/chap/fellow himself. And Hitch, as we all know, just ain't a "cat" kinda cat. He's always been very much a "chap" sort of chap even if he suppresses this on the other side of the pond for the sake of Anglo-American relations. He may have hung out once or twice in the shadows at Ronnie Scott's back when the Kray twins were haunting Soho, but he never gave no one no jive, and he probably never even let it all hang out.
Hence, in proposing that we take the dust off "cat" in order to talk about Barack, Hitch is revealing more about himself than about his purported subject.
I'm well known for my pedantry scrupulous attention to detail, and in this review my antennae were set a-tingling by what they flagged up as two minor offenses. Firstly, the idea of Jewish as a skin color or racial designation:
It’s this same catlike lightness and gentle raillery that I believe communicated itself subliminally to many white and brown and Jewish voters, and even to those like myself who detest the idea of voting with the epidermis.
Of course, we all know what he means, or do we? And secondly, there's the matter of what Lloyd George said:
It was, I think, Lloyd George who said of Lord Derby that, like a cushion, he bore the imprint of whoever had last sat upon him.
Hitch got the two names right, although the words in question are also attributed to Lord Haig, but Hitch's mutated version departs from the original while remaining too close to it to form a decent paraphrase. The correct quotation is, "Like a cushion he always bore the impress of the last man who had sat on him." Hitch does, however, take pains to point out that the description does not apply to Obama, who he thinks, by contrast, " treads so lightly and deftly that all the impressions he has so far made are alarmingly slight." He needn't be so anxious. Most Americans have been burdened for long enough by bad dog presidents who leave a trail of dirty paw marks over everything they come into contact with. Right now, someone who can do the job while walking across rice paper and leaving no trace may be just the kind of cat they are looking for.
Thanks to O'Malley, Duchess, Scat Cat and the boys, and dear old Uncle Walt.
“The enemies of intolerance cannot be tolerant." • "If it is an offense to justice to hold people who may have been victims of mistaken identity or of vendettas by other factions, then it is also an offense to justice to release psychopathic killers who believe that they have divine permission to throw acid in the faces of girls who want to attend school." • "Don't be such a lesbian!
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